


A Study in Meowrails

by jonsbutt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (kind of), Canon Death, Developing Friendships, Injury, Other, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Sadstuck, Various Mentions of Other Trolls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 07:54:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1850290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonsbutt/pseuds/jonsbutt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You couldn't have asked for a better moirail. </p><p>He was yours, and you were his.</p><p>[Developing the moirailegiance between Nepeta and Equius prior to playing Sgrub]</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Study in Meowrails

**Author's Note:**

> i have headcanons that Nepeta is a sassy fuck esp to Karkat lmao
> 
> hive collection - villiage

You couldn’t have been more than three sweeps, back when you reminisce. Honestly, it was a wonder you even made it past that age at all! Not that you’re trying to speak lightly of the incident. But it was definitely, as one of your good friends would say, a MiRaClE.

You should stop blabbering and get on with the story! Karkitty always complains that your penchant for storytelling is, you quote, A GRUBLOAD OF POINTLESS NONSENSE SPILLING FROM YOUR PROTEIN CHUTE THAT TENDS TO GO ON LONGER THAN THE CONDENSCE’S POSSE OF NOOKSNIFFING DOUCHESERVANTS.

You think that’s quite a compliment, coming from him!

It all begins with your blossoming new friendship with a strange troll.

-

You curled yourself against Pounce, her purring reverberating against you in the most comforting of ways. It was always so nice in your cave; the fire crackling softly, illuminating shadows against the walls and making the blood on the walls glow. You cherished nights like this with your precious lusus.

You felt your drawing tablet beep, the trollian alert sound playing. Pounce paused her purring for a moment, opened her large to check you were okay, before settling back down. You scratched her behind the ears, turning your attention to who was messaging you.

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 16:33 --

CG: GOD I HAVE NEVER MET A MORE ARROGANT BULGESUCKING NUMBSKULL LIKE THIS IN MY WHOLE LIFE  
CG: ARE YOU LISTENING, NEP?  
CG: ALRIGHT, HERE FUCKING GOES.  
CG: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND GENUINELY FOLLOWS THE HEMOSPECTRUM TO AN EXACT ‘T’  
CG: YOU HEAR ME, NEP. IM PRONOUNCING THIS T WITH THE UTMOST LOUDNESS AND SINCERITY, SPIT FLYING FROM MY PROTEIN CHUTE EVERY TIME  
CG: THAT IS HOW EXACT (THERE I GO AGAIN, WOW! SO MUCH SPIT) THIS GUY FOLLOWS IT  
CG: NO WONDER ERIDAN GOT SICK OF HIM AND PASSED HIM ONTO ME  
CG: FUCKING  
AC: :33 < *ac pokes her head up at karkitty, her head cocked in surpurrise!*  
AC: :33 < ‘something is bothering karkitty!’ *ac cries, immediately diverting her attention and pawsing her activities to listen*  
CG: NONE OF YOUR SARCASTIC BULLSHIT, LEIJON  
CG: I AM COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE HERE  
CG: THIS GUY IS A CREEP  
CG: NO OTHER WORDS NEP  
AC: :33 < karkitty has run out of words! *ac is astounded, lifting her paws to her mouth. she must alert the others of this atrocious news!*  
CG: FUCK YOU  
CG: YOU KNOW WHAT  
CG: YOU FUCKING DEAL WITH HIM  
AC: :33 < ‘oh?’ *ac questions, wondering why she must even consider this notion*  
CG: BECAUSE WE ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST OF FRIENDS AND ALSO ERIDAN BEGGED ME TO ENTERTAIN THIS GUY. HE INSISTS THE GUY IS EXTREMELY DEPRIVED OF ANY TROLL INTERACTION.  
CG: IN OTHER WORDS, ERIDAN IS SICK OF HIS BULLSHIT, PASSED HIM ON TO ME, AND I HONESTLY FEEL BAD, SO IM PASSING HIM ON TO YOU  
AC: :33 < *ac is honoured that karkitty would choose her!*  
CG: CAN NEVER TELL WHEN YOU'RE BEING SERIOUS, NEP  
AC: :33 < *ac giggles*  
AC: :33 < im being legit karkitty, it would be nice to make more furriends! as much as i love you and terezi, it does get lonely up here by myself 33: and im sure hes not that bad! you always exaggerate  
CG: IM GONNA IGNORE THAT BLATENT LIE IN FAVOUR OF THANKING YOU FOR TAKING HIM OFF OF MY VERY BUSY HANDS  
AC: :33 < *ac winks, wiggling her eyebrows at her shipping chart, where the picture of terezi and karkitty lies!*  
CG: FUCK YOU 

Karkitty sent you the details. Apparently this guy’s trollhandle was centaursTesticle? But, no judgment from you! You know you hated it when people instantly judged you for your roleplaying, like that creepy Eridan guy!

Karkitty then left, saying some nonsense about actually doing something. It was probably his lusus playing up again. You feel your slight disappointment and try to ignore it. As much as a young troll girl can dream, Karkitty definitely did not have eyes for you.

Yet.

You giggled into Pounce’s fur. She responds by licking your hair, trying hard to comb your messy locks. It was a futile attempt, but you kissed her nose in appreciation anyway.

You sighed, slightly apprehensive now that Karkat was gone. Maybe this guy really _was_ too much?

No! You told yourself. No judging, remember? You knew exactly how much that hurt.

You sent a trollian request, which was accepted almost immediately. Maybe this guy really was lonely.

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 16:47 --

CT: D --> Hello.

You grinned. He seemed polite! He was even eager enough to message you first! As much as you’d like to, you start on off the right paw by not roleplaying… straight away, that is.

AC: :33 < hello! :33  
AC: :33 < my name is nepeta leijon! its nice to meet you. karkitty said you were interesting 

You complimented yourself on your choice of words.

CT: D --> A pleasure to meet you, miss Leijon.

Oh goodness he really was polite!

CT: D --> My name is Equius Zahhak.

You really had no idea why Karkat had been so irritated. This guy seemed lovely!

AC: :33 < its lovely to meet you too, equius!  
CT: D --> Apologies if this upfront, miss Leijon, but after my previous conversation with your compatriot, Vantas, and his l00dicrously misguided attempts to hide his bl00d colour, I must ask, are you really an olive bl00d?  
AC: :33 < yep!

Karkat had mentioned this guy was a tightass about the hemospectrum.

AC: :33 < i hope that’s okay?

A few moments of silence.

CT: D --> Oh.  
CT: D --> Well. 

Your heart dropped. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea. Was he one of those blue bloods that sought out anyone beneath them, and killed them? You could surely hold your own, it just seemed such a waste. It was hard to make furriends! Trolls were not a friendly race at all.

CT: D --> While I find your bl00d colour disgustingly below my own magnificent bl00 bl00d, I’m sure it would be… okay.  
CT: D --> Olive bl00ds do not have as many nauseating customs has some low bl00ds, if I’m correct in my assumptions.  
AC: :33 < now listen here mister! my blood colour doesnt designate who i am so dont you dare assume anything about me just because i was born below you!

Your heart stops as soon as you send the message. Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear oh dear. What if he could find you now and kill you for such a remark? You just hated this kind of bigotry! You couldn't really help it!

CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> How dare you speak to your betters that way.  
AC: :33 < im sorry mister equius, but its not very nice to assume that i do certain things or will act a certain way because of my blood! or that any low bloods are disgusting just because they were born that way!

Your heart is beating angrily and you bite your lip in frustration. Now you understand what Karkat meant!

CT: D --> I have honestly never heard someone speak to me that way before. Other than Vantas, but it was mostly nonsensical.  
CT: D --> I should be angry. 

You’re confused.

AC: :33 < you ‘should be’?  
CT: D --> But for some godforsaken reason, it has only made me respect you, miss Leijon. 

You’re _really_ confused.

CT: D --> Maybe you are different from all the rest.  
AC: :33 < thanks, i think?  
CT: D --> This does not mean I will suddenly be seen fraternising around with those dirty lowbl00ds.  
AC: :33 < *ac growls menacingly*  
CT: D --> Apologies. Habit. But I think I can make an exception for you, miss Leijon.  
CT: D --> If I may be so bold to ask, may we be friends?

You grin to yourself. Okay, he was a little weird, yeah, but weren’t you weird too? What if no one had given you the chance? As much as Pounce is the best lusus, it sure does get lonely! And you could never say no to furriends!

AC: :33 < *ac purrs, nodding to mister equius!*  
CT: D --> Ah, is this the roleplaying Vantas alerted me to?  
AC: :33 < yeah, sorry its a habit of mine!  
CT: D --> No need to apologise, miss Leijon. We both have habits, but I’m sure as friends, we can work them out.  
AC: :33 < you can call me nepeta, especially if were gonna be furriends!  
CT: D --> Deal, miss –  
CT: D --> I mean.  
CT: D --> Nepeta.

-

Getting to know Equius turned out to be pretty interesting, you’ll admit! He had a few strange habits, but so did you, and although you’d both get surprised at learning new things about each other, it only served to bring you closer!

As soon as you saw him online, it began to become a habit to instantly greet him, and he didn't seem at all irritated with you like Karkitty would get! It was super nice.

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 14:23 --

AC: :33 < *ac pounces on ct, purring loudly*  
CT: D --> CT rubs AC’s lovely fur in greeting  
CT: D --> As much as I love to indulge you, Nepeta, I have some serious needs to talk to you about.  
CT: D --> That is, if you don't mind.  
AC: :33 < of course i dont mind!! *ac purrs as she pays close attention*  
CT: D --> I’m sorry that this extends the boundaries of our friendship, but I am extremely upset.  
CT: D --> Admitting that seems frivolous. I am not weak.  
AC: :33 < equius youre never weak for admitting that. im always here to listen and i wont judge, you know that  
CT: D --> That is a sweet relief. I…  
CT: D --> Do you know about the natural capacity for bl00 bl00ds to be exceptionally STRONG?  
AC: :33 < *ac nods*  
CT: D --> I haven’t divulged this information previously, as I was afraid you may be too frightened, knowing what I am capable of, if you were to ever meet me face-to-face.  
AC: :33 < youre just a big sweetie pie i could never be affurraid of you  
CT: D --> You constantly astound me with your sweet words, dear Nepeta.  
CT: D --> Recently, I have just been feeling maybe…  
CT: D --> Maybe I’m a freak of nature.

You frown. That’s a horrible thing for him to think!

AC: :33 < equius you never have been nor will you ever be a freak of nature  
CT: D --> But how can you say so?  
AC: :33 < your strength was a gift from the mother grub!  
CT: D --> I think this was a curse, in all honesty.  
AC: :33 < thats very pessimistic  
CT: D --> Apologies for my abhorrent attitude. It’s difficult. I have often only kept these thoughts to myself or expressed them to my lusus. He doesn’t exactly help too much, only offering me some delicious milk.  
AC: :33 < im sorry you had to keep that all to yourself. ill always listen! youre my best furriend!  
CT: D --> Really?  
AC: :33 < absolutely! these past few perigees of getting to know you have been great  
CT: D --> I  
CT: D --> You must excuse me  
CT: D --> I have never been considered a mere friend, let alone a best friend, before

You giggled. You knew he’d be sweating up a storm. He’d admitted he did that when flustered, and you found it both hilarious and so completely _Equius_. Also, his reaction would show you for any pale signs – gosh you were a romantic!

AC: :33 < thats okay! ive never had a best friend befurr anyway so we both start on even ground really  
CT: D --> Thank you, Nepeta.  
AC: :33 < thats okay! now do you want to continue?  
CT: D --> I certainly don't feel so terrible now that you have revealed that, but I should get if off my chest regardless.  
CT: D --> When I say I am STRONG, I do not just mean the common STRENGTH of my caste. It is… exceptional.  
CT: D --> Not at all in an arrogant way, neigh. I am not one just to divulge my talents willy-nilly.  
CT: D --> But I mean in an extreme sense. I cannot touch another without causing them immense pain. My lusus is covered in horrid bruises just from a mere pat on the head. I shatter things constantly. I’m… in all honesty, terrified of myself.  
AC: :33 < im not terrified of you  
AC: :33 < your strength is a good thing! think of all the good that comes from you being so strong!  
AC: :33 < youll always be there to defend efurryone!  
AC: :33 < youll be able to protect even me, and im a fierce battle kitty!!!!  
AC: :33 < surely there are ways to divert the strength, maybe an outlet?  
CT: D --> I have not considered that before.  
AC: :33 < you only concentrate on why its a bad thing, which means you dont think of why its useful, when really, its a great thing to have! my big strong protective best furriend!  
AC: :33 < you told me you like robotics, yeah?  
CT: D --> I do dabble occasionally, yes.  
AC: :33 < have you ever broken something when you dabble?  
CT: D --> Not that I recall. What are you getting at, Nepeta?  
AC: :33 < what im saying is that youre careful when you make your robots! you have a wonderful talent that can be channeled into making things! have you considered calming yourself by building robots, then fighting with them, as an outlet?  
CT: D --> Nepeta, you are an absolute genius.

You couldn't fight the grin on your face. No one had ever called you anything close to ‘genius’!

AC: :33 < really?  
CT: D --> I am so grateful. Thank you. This is an amazing solution.  
CT: D --> I think  
CT: D --> Do you mind if I begin straight away? The relief I feel is too much.  
AC: :33 < of course not!

You did mind a little bit. You wanted to talk to him a bit more. But he was going to do something that will help him!

CT: D --> I am forever in your debt, Nepeta.  
CT: D --> Please do not think me forward, but  
CT: D --> <>

You blushed. He actually returned your pale feelings! You hadn’t really noticed until a perigee ago, when you realized your feelings for him ran much deeper than friendship. Calling him your best friend was testing the waters, really. You hadn’t expected someone so stoic to really think he could tolerate being your moirail!

AC: :33 < <>

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] ceased trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 15:01 --

You couldn't hide your grin at all, and Pounce wandered up to your side, purring. You told her how excited you were, and she licked your head, happy that you were making such wonderful friendships.

-

Your friendship group grows. You always make sure to include Equius whenever you meet new trolls. It's mostly Karkat who brings you all together. He somehow finds you, from all walks of life, and everything just seems to click. It was a silly notion, but maybe he knew something you guys didn't! Like you were all bound by fate, or something!

One day, Equius messages you, but he seems dazed.

\-- centaursTesticle [CT] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC] at 12:23 --

CT: D --> Hello.  
AC: :33 < *ac pounces on ct, chewing on his hair as she kneads his shoulders with her claws happily*  
CT: D --> Mm.

That’s not the response you usually get. Either it’s a continuation of the roleplaying or him lightly chastising you for your lowblood habits. You didn't end up getting him out of the bigotry yet.

AC: :33 < *ac wiggles curiously, pawing at cts face as she wonders whats wrong*  
CT: D --> Apologies, Nepeta. I just am not sure how to broach this subject.  
AC: :33 < just out with it, silly  
CT: D --> I may be having flushed feelings.

You had expected it, honestly. He had been speaking of Aradia much more, constantly wondering about how she’d react to things and what not. It was quite adorable really.

AC: :33 < finally you admit it  
CT: D --> Shush, Nepeta.  
AC: :33 < i was right hehe i just knewwww it!!!  
CT: D --> No. You did not. You were oblivious.  
AC: :33 < wrong! i knew all along!  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> No.  
AC: :33 < yes  
CT: D --> Alright fine.  
AC: :33 < as your meowrail its my duty to know these things!  
CT: D --> Yes well.  
CT: D --> I was wondering if  
CT: D --> You weren’t busy  
CT: D --> You could come over and help me devise plans for  
CT: D --> You know.  
AC: :33 < *ac jumps up and down excitedly, pawing all over ct in happiness!!!!*  
AC: :33 < i finally get to meet you face to face and have a feelings jam!!!!  
CT: D --> I’m sorry it took so long to ask.

You had been talking on webcams for a while, but never had he asked you to come see him before! He said that he wouldn't want any other bl00 bl00ds to see him travelling to a known olive bl00d area and target you when you asked him to come over, and you knew he was too self conscious and insecure to ask you to see him without cause. You forgave him instantly.

-

You crawled off of Pounce and nearly tripped over in your rush to get to the front door. Pounce righted your balance by jogging beside you. You just couldn't contain your excitement! Meeting your wonderful moirail… it was going to be amazing.

You rapped on the door, which was opened almost instantly. You knew he’d been waiting right there. It was so _Equius_.

He was imposing in real life. Cameras didn't really emphasize just how tall he was! He was probably twice your height! But you laughed excitedly, jumping up to him, clinging to his waist.

He chuckled, a deep sound that reverberated through your whole body. You let go, looking up at him with all the pity and adoration you could muster.

He held your hands.

That's when you screamed.

-

He sobbed, blue tears streaking his face as you sat on his table. You purred, rubbing your face against him, not at all angry. You're the one who had underestimated his strength. He was allowed to be excited to see you, and you were in all honestly flattered that he’d lost control of his strictly measured emotions.

“I’m sorry, Nepeta. So so sorry,” he mumbled over and over again. You hushed him, and Pounce even licked his hand, telling him that she forgave him for hurting you.

“Don’t be sorry. You were excited! I was excited too! We have to be more careful next time.”

“But your hands…”

You looked down at the aforementioned hands. Yeah, they did look pretty twisted and disgusting… you honestly weren’t sure how you were ever meant to use them again, but you would figure that out later. Later, you would find out from your human friends that doctors would usually fix these kinds of things, but doctors didn't exist in troll culture. You either lived or you were culled because you poisoned the race, frankly.

“Maybe you can do some magic robotic thing to fix me all up!” you joked, cuddling into his side. He shot up instantly, being extremely delicate with you.

“You really are a genius, Nepeta!” he cried, his deep voice quite soothing to concentrate on when you felt the waves of pain from your broken hands. You cocked your head, wondering what he meant.

“You’re serious?” you asked. Equius nodded with vigor.

“I’ll admit, troll bodies are different to robots… well, quite significantly. But…”

You shushed him.

“I trust you, Equius. Do what you can!”

You smiled, and he smiled twice as wide.

-

You felt quite sick, waking up from whatever Equius had used to numb your pain. You had continuously drifted off, which Equius had mentioned would happen, and that it was okay.

“Don’t sit up quickly,” Equius murmured from your side. You nodded, which was a dizzying movement for you.

“’s ev’rythin’ okay?” you slurred, still not completely coherent. You didn't want to open your eyes – light was much too harsh on your eyes at the moment.

You felt Equius play with your hair softly. “Everything seems to be logically able to work. You left hand was the first one I did, just in case I accidentally messed up, it would at least be your non-dominant hand. We still need to test things, but just take it slowly.”

You hummed in response. “Thank you, Equius.”

“You shouldn't be thanking me. It was all my fault this happened in the first place.”

You shushed him. “I knew wh’t I was in for. ’m still pale for you. Don' you worry, you won’ get rid of me that easily!”

He laughed, and it was the best sound in the world.

-

Once you were finally able to sit up and Equius had managed to let you drink some water and have a piece of fruit (another of his weird traits was his vegetarianism – an unknown concept to you until he explained), you decided to test your hands.

What Equius had done was essentially replaced your broken hands with robotic hands. It felt extremely alien at first. He later gave you a pair of fingerless gloves and painted your hands to match your grey skin tone, just so you didn’t ever feel like an outcast. He was truly the best moirail.

He pressed all the pressure points in your new hands, to which you responded quite easily. Your left hand was not as good, which Equius had warned you about, but it was no matter. Anything was better than no hands!

You thanked him constantly. You loved your new hands. He had almost put in claws, which you would have <em>loved</em>, but Pounce had nudged him, letting him know that while it may have been awesome, the first priority was to get you new hands.

Out of morbid curiosity, you asked if you could see the hands he cut off. Equius laughed, kissing your forehead, and told you that you were very strange.

“Just like you,” you said proudly, cuddling into him.

-

Because this was Equius’ first surgery, you had to keep coming back to him for check ups. Not that you complained! Seeing your moirail so much was absolutely fantastic! Karkitty often complained that he was a bad influence on you, and although you and Equius did fight, it was all part of a healthy moiraillegiance.

You balanced each other. Feferi often told you how jealous she was that your moirailegiance seemed so perfect.

Sometimes you were scared Equius’ growing flushed/caliginous feelings for Aradia would get in the way, but it never happened. Your mastery at shipping was truly purrfect!

Until she died, of course. But up until then it was genuinely good!

-

Now, there was one incident that you mentioned earlier that often sticks in your mind of how deep your moiraillegiance ran with Equius.

You’re ashamed to admit it, but in an act of growing rebelliousness towards your lusus, you once went hunting alone. You were only three sweeps old, but you felt invincible. You were cut off from most of the troll world, so you had no perception of how truly dangerous it could be, especially for a naïve young troll like yourself.

Pounce never really forgave you for that, but that was more motherly concern than anger. You never hunted alone anyway after that.

You left the cave, angry at your lusus. She seemed to be coddling you! You may have had robotic hands but the drones were fucking idiots, as Karkat put it, and they wouldn't even notice if they saw your hands! It wasn't like they would check anyway! And you technically weren’t disabled or a threat to the race because you still had hands!

You should’ve stayed behind. Should’ve talked to Equius. Vented. But instead you ran.

You sat in the middle of an alcove. It was a peaceful night, and the birds chittered above you. Moonlight streamed down onto the grass beneath you. It was quite pretty. But you don't really remember the beauty in this memory.

After an hour of quiet, you realize you had carried your small PDA with you. In hindsight, you think Pounce put it in your jacket pocket in case anything like this happened.

You smiled. Pounce wasn't so bad after all.

You stood, preparing to go home now that your anger had dissipated. You absent mindedly walked, keeping an eye out for danger while just taking in the calm of the forest that surrounded your cave.

You heard a strange metallic screeching, far out to your right. Instinctively, you knew it was a drone.

Fuck.

You ran, doing your best not to make noise. Why were they out? Why now? Why here?

The metallic screeching followed you. It seemed a distance behind, but you blindly ran, the adrenaline released from the instinctual panic just telling you to _run, run fucking run_ Nepeta!

You don't know how far you ran but you certainly weren’t anywhere near home. You were reaching a mountainous cliff area that you recognized as the outskirts of Equius’ hive collection.

The metallic noise is right behind you.

You turn around, narrowly dodging the culling fork. You’re a skilled fighter! But your claws do no damage against the hard shell of the drone. It’s imposing and a lot bigger than you and you're scared you're so fucking scared what if you die here-

The drone slaps you across the face knocking you to the ground. You scramble backwards, crawling side to side to avoid the drone. You grab your PDA out, an idea coming to mind.

\-- arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT] at 19:54 --

AC: equius  
AC: hel;p  
AC: pelsase

Your PDA is knocked away. All hope is lost.

You scramble and kick and free yourself a few times before you’re grabbed again. It’s like the drone is playing some sick game with you.

You stab it in the eyes with your claws, which only pisses it off more. It’s metallic screeching almost deafens you.

The drone lifts you up, and the last thing you hear is the snapping of your back.

-

You awaken, and you have no idea where you are. Where’s Pounce?

You look to the side, but you cannot move. Your neck is strapped down.

“Nepeta!”

The familiar voice. Who is that?

A worried smile appears above your eyes. Royal blue eyes shine down at you.

“Equius,” you gasp, before collapsing into darkness once more.

-

You wake up on a hard metal bench. You’re more alert than before, so you begin to move. You realize you’re strapped down, even your hands.

“Nepeta,” whispers a small tired voice. Equius lifts up his head from his arms. You realized he was asleep. It mustn’t be very comfortable for him, you think.

“What happened?” you ask.

Equius rubs his eyes. You realize he slept without sopor slime. He must’ve had nightmares. You feel guilty.

“The drone -,” he begins, before you scream. The memories hit you, hard and fast. Olive blurs your vision as tears build up. It hurt oh god it hurt –

Equius is brushing your hair with his fingers, pressing kisses to your cheeks. “You’re safe now. It’s okay, Nepeta. I’ve got you.”

When you calm down, Equius explains further. He tells you that he put a chip in your computers that would always alert him to your position (you want to glare at him, but you know he’s just protective). When you had sent the first message, he was out the door, following the map on his own PDA.

“You didn’t use your quirk,” he smirked, when you asked how he’d known.

He knew you so well.

He found you, just as the drone had snapped your back. He assumed that his presence caused the drone to stop from completely snapping your back, allowing you to still be alive. Equius had killed the drone (for you, all for you) and carried you back to his home.

“I’m paralysed?” you ask softly.

Equius shakes his head. Relief shoots through you.

“Why not?”

Equius smiles mysteriously as he removes the straps from your hands and neck. He then tells you to try moving. He has tentative hope on his face.

You slowly sit up. Your muscles ache, but probably from being on such a hard surface. You roll your shoulders, crick your neck. You look at him. His grin is huge.

“It worked,” he says, almost breathlessly. You ask what worked.

He tells you to stand. You get up, but fall straight into his arms. His face crumples.

“What is it?” you cry.

“I replaced your spine with a robotic one and repaired the nerve damage. But… your coordination is not… I failed.”

He looks so downcast. You shake your head, laughing.

“Equius, you have not failed. I can move! I didn't die and it’s all thanks to you!”

He smiles. “My dear, sweet Nepeta.” He kisses your forehead.

You attempt to walk, but he was correct. You cannot walk. You legs will move, but you have no sense of balance. Equius looks like he wants to cry, but you shush him, telling him that he saved your life and you couldn't be more grateful. You purr as you fall into him, pushing you both over (you know he could’ve stopped the fall easily, but he knows how much you love to cuddle).

Then he sits up straight, exclaiming, “I’ve got it!”

You allow him to operate once more.

-

You pounce from tree to tree, Equius laughing beneath you. You’re both ecstatic. You’re both having fun. You’re both _alive_.

He’d given you a tail. Your purring reminded him of the fact that cats use their tails for balance. You thought it was extremely fitting. Your tail was robotic and blue and swished like a real cat.

You absolutely loved it.

You couldn't have asked for a better moirail.

You’re glad you gave him a chance. 

You’re glad he’s _yours_. 

- 

You hate Gamzee. Not even romantically. 

He killed Equius _right fucking in front of you_. You were beyond pissed. Your insides had turned to fire. You were going to _kill_ him. 

“I know you’re there, kittysis,” you hear him mutter. “Come out and play. Join your precious moirail.” 

You hissed, pouncing at him. You were so angry. Anger and hatred and fear and frustration and loss and despair you could not live without Equius he was your _everything_. 

You weren’t ready to be without him. 

So as you lay on the ground, bleeding out next to his body, you were glad. You gripped his hand as you began to black out. 

He will always be yours.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you!!!


End file.
